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“That wouldn’t have necessarily been a bad thing, but most of Crossroads’ missions lack spark or challenge. It’s like walking into a movie 10 minutes late.

Nobody being off the table for a proper intro. Things don’t get off to a particularly promising start, though, and with the opening mission dropping you directly into the action without any introduction, the overly-manufactured VO here between franchise stalwarts Dom and Letty feels like a jury-rigged solution for Kurt Russell’s Mr. The vehicle selection is strong, with many plucked directly from the films, although the ones with harpoon guns and gaming routers bolted to their roofs can look a little goofy. That sounds entirely on-brand for a modern Fast & Furious tale and, for the most part, it works well enough.

Ejecto Seato, CuzCrossroads pits the Fast family against an ancient group of highway robbers who’ve since transitioned to international terrorism: the Tadakhul.

Not that I especially wanted to keep playing longer than that. But somehow all of that promise resulted in this bland and bafflingly basic game that barely lasts four hours – and that’s including the cutscenes. A Fast & Furious game from the talented team behind Need for Speed Shift and Project CARS, and Vin Diesel is involved? On paper that’s a supremely promising combo. In fact, I was nearly punching the air when Crossroads was finally confirmed after years of rumours. I’m telling you this because I need you to know I’m not punching down here. I’ve got all the Blu-rays I’ve got way more of the Hot Wheels than my wife knows about. A high-octane hodgepodge of spy movie madness and telenovela tropes, these films may be dumber than a box of hair but they have oodles of heart – and I am unironically and unequivocally invested in them. Play The Fast & Furious film saga’s rise from low-fi Point Break rehash to six-billion-dollar box office brute is the bane of film snobs, but I love it.

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